I had to get stitches last night. From a Russian
dentist.
Déjà
vu Moskva!
It all started when I decided to do something I
haven’t had much luck with before- ice skating. Many of you will remember that
my last night in Moscow two years ago, I almost sent myself to the hospital
skating on Red Square. Now this was only my second time on skates, and lost in
conversation with my friend Andrew and a little too confident in my
meager abilities, I fell. And I fell hard. I supermanned across the ice, ribs
crashing against the cold, hard ground. Somehow though, the adrenaline kept me
going, and I continued to skate for another half an hour, falling about every
thirty seconds.
After the adrenaline of the vivid Moscow night wore off, I began
to feel the effects of my falls, stiffly sitting on a hotel bed, ribs
screaming. Every breath shot sharp, raspy pain through my body, but somehow, I
managed to drag myself to the airport and back to the U.S. (after of course a
detour through New Jersey after getting on the wrong plane in Germany).
Pride
Goeth Before the Fall
Well anyway, I’m beginning to think that this
skating thing just isn’t for me. Last night, some friends and I decided to go
skating at an indoor rink near the center of the city. It was only 100 rubles
($3.00) for both tickets and rental skates, so what did we have to lose?
(“Teeth” and “blood” did not go through my head as two of the possibilities)
The first few minutes were fine. It took me a while
to get my footing- my skates were a little big, and remember, this was my third
time ever skating. My friend Cody, on the other hand, was a master of the ice. Skating
backwards, skating on one leg, jumping and landing with ease, I could barely
believe he hadn’t played ice hockey in school. Feeling it was about time to
showcase my adventurousness, I asked him to teach me an easy trick. That was my
mistake. “Easy” is not a word in my skating lexicon. He showed me how to turn
backwards while skating, and I rashly followed suit. And
Down
I
Went.
Bang!
Head first, my chin took all the impact of the cold,
hard ice. In shock, I picked myself up, instinctively trying to assure myself
that I was okay. Teeth. Check. Legs. Fine. And then I saw it. Drops of crimson
blood splattered all over the frosty rink. Cody steadied
me and led me off the ice, after which I was whisked away to a special room for impulsive and clumsy people like me. A nurse sat me down in front of a sink and told me to wash
up. By now it was clear that I was bleeding from my chin, a nice trail of blood splattered from the door to the sink where I now sat. She put
a temporary bandage under my chin and told me that I absolutely needed to get stitches now! At this point, it didn’t hurt, and I didn’t want to go get
stitches, so Cody and I left the rink almost nonchalantly. We sat down on a
bench and ate CCCP ice cream pops while waiting for my RD to pick us up and
take us to the hospital. At this point, I could barely stop laughing. The
absurdity of the situation mixed with the effects of a hard hit to the head
made me a little loopy. I was filled with that displaced adrenaline you get when you watch an suspenseful movie but you know everything will eventually end happily. And I
still had my teeth. That was enough of a happy ending for me. I’m no masochist,
but there was something strangely fun about the whole incident.
Konstantine
the Dentist
Cori, our Resident Director picked us up in taxi
that then brought us to a drab, grey, dare I say, sketchy building. After
searching through a maze of hallways, we finally found the registration
desk.
“You need to go downstairs, to the dentist. He opens
at 8:00.”
What? The
dentist? I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen a doctor in the U.S. of A.
stitch someone up. We waited over an hour until he came. He, young, thirtyish,
with a greasy, slicked back blonde ponytail, sparse mustache and uneven skin. He
opened the door to his office and commanded me to come in. When my R.D. and her assitant tried to come in with me he began to yell at
them. “Only the patient is allowed to come in! No one else!” His loud, forceful
voice was the last thing I needed to hear. They tried to make a case for me.
“She’s American. She can’t speak Russian well. She needs someone to translate.”
“No! I don’t make these rules, but I have to follow
them. Only the patient!” He must have been a drill sergeant in another life. So
I went in. By myself. To Mr. Scary Dentist.
He sat me down in a medical chair that gave me an
excellent view of the mold colored paint, peeling in huge chips off the wall. This
was definitely not the newest facility, to say the very least. “What happened?”
He barked. My Russian began to revert from the current third grade level to po-toddler-ski.
“I-I was skating, and, and, I fell,” I stuttered.
“If you don’t
know how to skate, then don’t skate!” Not one to mince words. Just people.
“Let’s take a look.” He took the bandage off my chin and nodded his head. “You
need stitches.”
“Do I really
need to? Is there any other way?” I asked.
“No, you must get stitches. Объ-я-за-тель-но! Ab-so-lute-ly
nec-ess-ar-y! He pounded out each syllable like a hammer on nail.” I gulped and
sat back as he prepared the numbing shot. And somehow, he started to soften up.
Relatively speaking, that is. “So, where are you from?” he asked, a little
gentler this time.
“I, I study in, in Massachusetts.”
“Oh, I have a nephew there.” He made conversation
with me for a few minutes, probably trying to distract me from the two shots of
anesthesia to the underside of my chin. And then he got out the needle. Myth or
not, I’ve heard horror stories of reused needles in Russian hospitals, and
although these stories probably stem from the Soviet Era, I didn’t want to risk
getting AIDS. And that’s when I asked the fatal question.
“Is the needle new and clean?”
He looked at me, clearly offended.
“You just saw
me take it out! We’re not barbarians here, you know!” Point taken. I shut up
and let him do his dentist magic. Three stitches later, I was done. Sigh of
relief. Then, thankfully, he let my R.D. in to hear his orders. Not
recommendations. Orders. His voice became firm, loud and commanding again. “You
must follow my orders! If you don’t, you’re not going to get better! You’ll
only get better if you do exactly what I say!” He prescribed me antibiotics and
some antibacterial liquid, and in the meantime, became very friendly with my
R.D. He started to chat with her, smiled, and introduced himself. “My
name is Konstantine. But to you, Kost!” And then, the best part of the night. He stood
up from his desk, turned definitively toward his medical closet, and proclaimed “To
hell with the government!” He grabbed a huge glass bottle of some yellow
liquid, and gave it to me.
Government medicine he apparently wasn’t supposed to give out. He seemed
pleased with his little act of rebellion as he said goodbye to us and ordered
me to come back in 10 days to get the stitches out.
So that was my adventure last night. Skating,
falling, and having an eccentric, imposing, and yet somehow charismatic Russian
dentist named Konstantine sew me up and give me government issue medicine under
the table. There’s definitely never a dull moment in this country that I love. And now, here I am, typing from my old host family's 9th floor apartment in Nizhniy Novgorod. I arrived at 9:30 this evening and I spent the night catching up with them, drinking chai with raspberry vareniye (jam), sharing pictures to chronicle the past few years, and reminiscing about our very special time together. Life is beautiful.




